


do you believe in the dark?

by cherrygarden



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Drunk Sex, F/F, France (Country), Internalized Homophobia, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 05:01:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21440635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrygarden/pseuds/cherrygarden
Summary: Jennie is a mirror, whether Joohyun wants to look or not.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Jennie Kim
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	do you believe in the dark?

When Joohyun meets Jennie at FLV, Jennie is looking at _Double Motif_. It would be easy to reach out, or say something, disturb her, but Jennie is so engrossed it feels like she’s a part of the installation too. Like the real Jennie is on the other side of the mirror, and the Jennie who observes her is the hyper-real reflection. So Joohyun watches Jennie watch the painting, watches _Double Motif_ watch Jennie watch her. Maybe two minutes later, Jennie turns around and smiles and swings an arm around Joohyun’s waist. Jennie says, “Hi, unnie, let’s look around some more.”

They tour the gallery for an hour, hip to hip, making small talk and pointing out paintings they like mostly. At the coat check, Jennie takes both of Joohyun’s hands in her own and says, “How long are you in Paris?”

“Um… my flight out leaves tomorrow morning, but…” Joohyun trails off, watching for Jennie’s reaction, wanting to see something in her that would break Joohyun out of her shell.

Jennie looks hopeful. “Stay with me one more day?” She could have easily said something like, ‘Let’s meet again in Seoul,’ but instead Jennie wants Joohyun in Paris, away from everyone else, away from the rest of their lives.

Joohyun’s schedule is clear for the next four days at least so she entertains the possibility, mentally drafting the argument she’ll make to her manager to re-book the flight. She could have anticipated this, put in the vacation days, but how could she have known? Jennie is unpredictable in the same way the weather is unpredictable; Joohyun could learn to track her patterns, but Jennie will always be a step ahead.

“Let’s get out of Paris,” Joohyun decides. “We can go somewhere, we can take the train, just the two of us.”

They take the train to Rouen, first thing in the morning, and Jennie falls asleep almost instantly on Joohyun’s shoulder. Joohyun could let herself be lulled back to sleep by the motion of the train, too, but she stays awake to watch over Jennie instead.

Usually Jennie’s presence puts Joohyun at a disadvantage. Jennie acts, Joohyun reacts. It’s not that Joohyun is uncomfortable around Jennie, they’re friends of course, but Jennie is different when she’s asleep. Less forceful, less herself. When she’s asleep, when she’s not out in the world, she’s not Jennie Kim. She’s just a girl. 

Like this, Joohyun feels like she’s at a safer distance, away from Jennie looking back at her and away from the reflection of herself, always watching for a step out of line. Joohyun lets herself look without the fear of being seen, for now. 

Joohyun has only ever truly seen Jennie from her peripheral vision; to look at her directly would be to see her young, beautiful, so free and wanting more. They’re the same and not the same all at once. To look at her directly would be to peer into a mirror and Joohyun couldn’t ever bring herself to see her own reflection.

Two bottles of wine into dinner, Jennie says something that gets Joohyun’s heart rate up: “Unnie, do you like women?”

It’s not just the wine that’s made her reckless, it’s everything. Being here in Rouen, being alone together. Jennie’s gaze is lucid and piercing, looking for something in Joohyun the way Joohyun had looked for something in her before. 

“Uh…” Joohyun starts. She ends her answer with a hysterical giggle and distracts herself with a gulp from her glass. 

Jennie’s eyes get cloudy again, and it’s scarier. Did she find what she was looking for? She presses on, unfazed but fuzzier this time. “When I was younger, I thought I might… I don’t know, you know, girls are great? Girls are pretty. Why couldn't every girl I liked be a boy instead? Or the other way around...”

Joohyun can't get the words out. _I do like women_. Even in her head, it feels like a lie. She has to fight the urge to pick it apart, to prove herself wrong with a string of past relationships and not a single one with a woman. __

_ _Across the dinner table, Joohyun sees _Double Motif_ again— Jennie, hyper-real, and her own reflection forcing herself to look. ___ _

_ _ _ _Jennie makes it seem so easy, the way she’s able to see through Joohyun, the way the confusion and tension doesn’t seem to weigh on her at all, not like it’s pressed deep into the space between Joohyun’s shoulder blades. It makes Joohyun feel like a teenager, and Jennie looks so grown up in the distance between them._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Whatever happens after, whatever happens at home, whenever she’ll be able to tell herself what to want, find out who she really wants— in the eye of the storm, in Jennie’s gaze, none of that matters; Joohyun’s happy here, and the weight feels lighter here. “I think so,” she admits, a little laugh bubbling up to the surface. “Well, I like _you_.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _The night outside is chilly but Joohyun and Jennie are both flushed and hot from the wine and the conversation. Jennie tucks herself under Joohyun’s arm and rests her head on Joohyun’s shoulder as they walk back to the hotel. Joohyun hasn’t known Jennie to be in the habit of making herself seem smaller, but tonight they’re both implicitly agreeing to play the roles they’ve been given. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Joohyun is spurred on by the moment, by the wine, by Jennie giving her all this control. What would she want a boyfriend to do for her? She presses a haphazard kiss just shy of Jennie’s lips as they stumble back to the hotel, knocking knees and hips as they go. Jennie giggles and tries to pull in closer._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Jennie doesn’t bother taking her coat off. She throws herself onto the bed and reaches her arms out wordlessly._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _“Alright, alright,” Joohyun says, crawling onto the bed with her, situating herself in between Jennie’s open arms. “I’ll take care of you.”_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Jennie lets Joohyun open her up like a gift, lying back on the bed while Joohyun strips her of her shoes, her coat, her jeans. Joohyun gets her fingers pressed against Jennie’s cunt, and Jennie moans into her mouth for it, kisses her the way Jennie does everything else: luxuriously, indulgently, open-mouthed._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _All of it rushes to Joohyun’s head, the feeling of holding Jennie in her hands, the taste of Jennie’s sweat on her tongue. And then, when Jennie gets a knee in between her thighs, slipping her pants halfway down her legs, Joohyun feels out of control, drunker than she actually should be as she rolls her hips against Jennie’s._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Jennie comes with a high squeal and then a sigh. In a brief moment of clarity, Joohyun pulls away from her and wonders if this is what she’d looked like to her boyfriends, all exposed and pliant. Jennie pulls her back in before she can dwell on it, and her mind is too tired to race._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _It’s barely light out when Joohyun wakes up, and Jennie’s still asleep. She still looks the same as she did last night, open and warm, but with all the headiness of the wine and impulsive decisions gone, Joohyun can’t help but feel cold, like she doesn’t fit in bed with Jennie anymore._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _Joohyun carefully, delicately, drags herself out of bed and towards the shower. She can’t bring herself to wake Jennie up, or to have to talk about what happened, what’s _going_ to happen now that this vacation from real life is over. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _In the bathroom mirror, Joohyun’s reflection still looks the same, too. Through the steam, with her hair dripping around her shoulders, she still can’t tell herself what she wants._ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> \- takes place during jennie and irene's appearances in paris from march, and i wrote the bulk of it over the summer, so you can tell how long i'd put it off  
\- thanks to cee for looking over the initial draft and pitching in with some key thoughts  
\- [double motif](https://www.fondationlouisvuitton.fr/en/the-collection/artworks/double-motif.html) is a real piece at flv  
\- [and the playlist i wrote all of this to](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/28uF9TkOXXu05c5rskzfiM?si=y8CIZb73TmO8j6-UmKrojg)


End file.
